*Names have been changed to protect anonymity

By Talking Health TV –

October is ADHD Awareness Month, and THTV recently spoke with Phoebe*, who lives with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

Phoebe has opened up about living with ADHD, describing how the condition has shaped her childhood, education, career, relationships and self-esteem.

Diagnosed at the age of nine, Phoebe has spent years learning how her brain works while dealing with those misconceptions first-hand.

Her story covers the daily reality of ADHD, the stereotypes she wants to challenge, the strategies that help her cope and the changes she would like to see in how adults are supported.

Diagnosis at nine

Phoebe’s diagnosis followed conversations between her mum and her primary school teacher about difficulties at home, including arguments, temper tantrums, problems with sleep and trouble focusing.

She was then taken to the GP, although she felt the process happened without her really understanding it or having much say.

At first she was in denial about the diagnosis and refused medication, feeling as though she was being punished.

Around the age of ten, she watched a documentary about ADHD medication with her dad, which helped her start to see the condition differently. She did not begin taking medication until she was around 16.

Support at school

Her diagnosis meant she received extra support throughout school, including having late detentions removed, being allowed to start the day later when she had missed her first lesson, extra time in exams and quieter spaces for assessments.

By the time she reached her A levels, understanding her ADHD had become particularly useful. Rather than revising the same way as everyone else, she explored different approaches to find what worked for her, which made a significant difference to her education.

A mind that never stops

For Phoebe, ADHD affects almost every part of daily life. She describes her mind as constantly busy and chaotic, with numerous thoughts competing for attention at once.

Routines are especially hard to maintain. She can make detailed plans in her head but struggles to carry them out, as motivation disappears, time slips away, and tasks that seemed manageable become overwhelming.

Time blindness is another major difficulty. What feels like ten minutes can turn out to be several hours.

This has caused problems at work, where she has been placed under review for lateness and has struggled to keep track of breaks and tasks.

Strain on relationships and self-esteem

ADHD also takes a toll on her emotional wellbeing. Comparing herself to people who appear to function easily can damage her self-esteem, while anxiety and depression can make her difficulties feel even more overwhelming.

In friendships and relationships, she may zone out of conversations she is not interested in, interrupt or finish people’s sentences because her thoughts are moving quickly, and forget personal details others have shared.

She stresses that forgetting something does not mean she does not care. Her mind may simply have been occupied by other thoughts, meaning the information was never properly stored or is hard to retrieve.

Within her family, she has struggled with being labelled lazy and with comments that misunderstand the reasons behind her behaviour, which over time have led to frustration and resentment.

Beyond the stereotype

One of the biggest misconceptions Phoebe wants to challenge is the image of ADHD as a young boy who cannot sit still or misbehaves in class.

She believes this narrow view is damaging because ADHD does not always present so obviously. For her, much of the hyperactivity happens inside her mind, and she is perfectly capable of sitting still and following rules.

She emphasises that ADHD is not simply about behaviour, but a neurological condition affecting how a person processes information, motivation, attention, impulses and rewards.

Misunderstanding this can lead to people being unfairly labelled as difficult, lazy or badly behaved. Phoebe says greater awareness of how ADHD presents in women is particularly important, as those who do not fit the traditional image can be overlooked.

The hidden cost of masking

Above all, Phoebe wants people to understand that masking exists.

She has spent much of her life hiding her difficulties to fit in. Her bubbly personality, positive attitude and ability to put on a brave face can make it seem she is coping well, even when she is struggling significantly.

She describes being able to appear happy and capable even when reaching a point of despair, which makes asking for help extremely difficult. She may wait until she is already overwhelmed before admitting she needs support.

She also wants people to know that impulsivity does not make someone naive. She considers herself highly observant, empathetic and sensitive, often aware of what others are feeling even when they do not say it, and someone who can shut down quickly after being hurt.

Her kindness and willingness to help are part of who she is, she says, and should not be seen as an opportunity for people to take advantage of her.

Finding what works

Medication has been part of Phoebe’s experience, but it brings its own challenges. She has had side effects including nausea, tiredness, insomnia and an increased heart rate, and remembering to take it can be difficult in itself.

At times it leaves her exhausted, which is particularly hard ahead of long working days.

Alongside medication, she uses lists, writes reminders on her hands and sometimes isolates herself when she becomes overwhelmed.

Her working environment matters too. She finds flexible jobs with changing shift patterns more suitable than roles where every day is the same, as variety lets her attention and hyperfocus move between different tasks.

For Phoebe, learning to work with her brain rather than fighting against it has become central to managing the condition.

Online communities and limited NHS support

ADHD-focused content on Instagram has helped her understand her condition and given her language for experiences she had struggled to explain.

One example was learning about rejection sensitive dysphoria. Discovering that others had similarly intense reactions to perceived rejection helped her make sense of her own emotional responses.

She has an annual follow-up with an NHS ADHD clinic, but says this is generally limited to a brief telephone appointment and that adults need far more comprehensive support.

Advice for others

For anyone struggling with ADHD, Phoebe believes understanding the condition is a good place to start, as it can help put words to confusing experiences, recognise patterns and find strategies that genuinely work.

She encourages people to stop cutting off parts of themselves to meet others’ expectations, warning that trying to function exactly like someone without ADHD can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

She urges people to give themselves grace, stand up for themselves when faced with judgement, and find people who accept them as they are. Being different, she says, does not mean there is something wrong with you.

Understanding ADHD has also helped her see that many of her difficulties are not personal failings, allowing her to stop blaming herself and begin accepting who she is.

Calls for change

Phoebe would like to see greater public awareness to challenge stereotypes, including more information on how ADHD can appear in women, so people are recognised earlier and fewer go unsupported.

She is calling for better funding for ADHD services and shorter waiting times for assessment and diagnosis, so that support can be put in place before difficulties affect education, employment, relationships and mental wellbeing.

She also wants support to continue after education, with better workplace help, clearer agreements on reasonable adjustments and less need for adults to repeatedly prove they are struggling.

Healthcare could become more ADHD-friendly through additional appointment reminders, clearer appointment notes and more time to ask questions, she says, while schools could offer ADHD-friendly teaching and revision, appropriate exam support and greater flexibility.

Her story shows that ADHD is about far more than being unable to sit still, affecting time management, motivation, memory, emotions and self-esteem in ways often invisible to others.

This article is part of Living With, a series on KLTV’s Talking Health TV platform that shares the real stories of people living with physical and mental health conditions. Many of these conditions aren’t visible to others, so the series lets people describe in their own words what daily life is like, to build understanding and challenge stigma.