By Hafsa Binte Jabbar –

In a world where we often focus on visible scars, there is another type of scar that is harder to notice but just as painful. Someone doesn’t need to hurt you physically; sometimes their words, attitudes, criticism, and behaviours are more than physical torture.

Unlike physical scars that you can see on your body, verbal abuse leaves a lasting effect on your mind, which stays with you long after the hurtful words have faded away. The bruises may not be visible to the naked eye, but their effect is profound, insidious, and enduring.

Understanding Verbal Abuse

Today, I want to highlight the social issue of domestic violence, but not the physical kind. I am talking about verbal abuse. Anyone could be a victim of verbal abuse—men, women, and children—and it can occur in different places.

Verbal abuse in a relationship makes it a toxic relationship. Think about it! What would your mental state be if you had to face a partner or a person who always disrespected you, devalued your opinions, criticised you, bruised your pride, and made fun of you in front of others?

Recognising Verbal Abuse

But how do you know if it is verbal abuse? It is important to figure out whether it is a form of verbal abuse or not. It is particularly important that you can judge the relationship. The ‘victim’ only seeks help when they know that they need help.

It’s good to make a checklist or bullet points for recognising signs of verbal abuse. Ask yourself, “Does your partner or other regularly insult or belittle you? Do you feel anxious when you express your feelings?” You need to be able to recognise the “red flags” of your relationship.

The Impact on Children

Those who experience verbal abuse as a child, whether at home or maybe school, may experience feelings of worthlessness, difficulty trusting others, and problems with their emotions when they become adults. Several studies have shown that children who are verbally abused are at greater risk of depression and anxiety both at a young age and later in life.

Verbal abuse involves using words to name-call, bully, demean, frighten, intimidate, or control another person. This also includes yelling, screaming, or swearing. Sometimes the ‘victim’ of this behaviour thinks, “Is it abuse or am I just overreacting?”

Well, let me tell you, it is abuse if you are afraid, anxious, feel isolated, threatened, inferior, ashamed, and guilty of doing everything wrong. Also, look out for the dual person. This means that they treat you differently when you are in front of others.

Addressing Verbal Abuse

Addressing verbal abuse can contribute to breaking the silence surrounding this type of abuse and promote healthier communication and relationships. There is a famous quote, “Sharing your feelings is the first step in healing. It takes courage to be vulnerable, but it’s the gateway to connection and understanding.”

Did you know that verbal abuse does not just affect the person directly targeted; it also affects how they relate to others? It leads to distrust, a fear of getting close to others, and hesitation to be open. It can literally destroy your personality.

Sometimes ‘victims’ cannot even express what they’re feeling because it is “silent” and “invisible.” These circumstances can make the ‘victim’ unresponsive and feel less because the behaviour has become routine, so feelings and voices remain “silent.”

Indeed, you become willing to accept the behaviour and accept it as your destiny due to some reasons. These reasons may be because of children, societal pressure, cultural shame, fear of isolation, financial instability, and for some, a fear of being marked as divorced.

Steps Towards Healing

Talkspace therapist Jill Daino, LCSW-R, BC-TMH says: “The mental health impact of verbal abuse accumulates over time and is often experienced as depression, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem. When not addressed, it can cause someone to doubt themselves and their capabilities. Therapy can help with working through the issues that can come up as a result of verbal abuse.”

The first step in dealing with abuse is to “recognise abuse.” You should try to speak up for yourself, maintain your boundaries, and aim to raise your self-esteem.

Awareness about verbal abuse is important in helping people recognise the signs and understand its impact. By educating individuals about verbal abuse and providing resources for support, we can empower them to recognise and address abusive behaviours in their own lives and communities.

Increased awareness also encourages conversations about healthy communication and relationships, promoting a culture of respect and empathy.

Advocacy and Support

Various individuals and organisations are aware of and advocate against verbal abuse. This includes mental health professionals, educators, social workers, law enforcement, community leaders, and non-profit organisations dedicated to the survivors of abuse. Additionally, survivors themselves often become advocates, raising awareness through their own experiences and stories.

So, it is just YOU who can take the first step. YOU hold the power to take the first step toward healing from this abusive environment. Though it may seem daunting, know that many hands are waiting to support you along the way. Remember, the journey to recovery begins with your courage and willingness to seek help.

Finding Help

Sometimes it is better to talk to someone to make yourself relax. Talk to anyone you find support from. If you do not want to talk to anyone familiar, just talk to someone who is non-judgemental and who will listen to you carefully. You can find help and support for domestic abuse on GOV.UK. Also, visit the National Domestic Abuse Helpline Freephone 24-hour Helpline—dial 0808 2000 247 or visit the website Homepage – National Domestic Abuse Helpline to access their live chat service (Monday–Friday 10.00 am – 10.00 pm).

This article was written in collaboration with the University of Huddersfield and the Master of Public Health Course. Click the link for further information: Master of Public Health (hud.ac.uk)

About the Author

Hafsa Binte Jabbar is a Master of Public Health from the University of Huddersfield. She is a Professional Pharmacist in Pakistan, where she worked as a community pharmacist for more than four years. Hafsa plans to continue to work within the community whether by continuing within the field of pharmacy or working within a public health setting.